Sunday, July 10, 2005
Lawn And Garden Tips...
...courtesy of The Onion
. A few:
- Experiment with different nitrogen-based fertilizers to find the one with the best greening power and highest blast radius.
- Gang members will often pour malt liquor onto the ground in memory of their dead homies, resulting in soil damage. Shoo gang members away from your front yard.
- Mowing a pentagram into your lawn not only looks cool; it will also increase your dark powers.
- Don't let "the fellas" see you growing a flower garden like a fairy sissy girl. Build an indoor greenhouse instead.
- Planting vegetables is a great money-saver. Over the course of a summer, you could shave $75 off your grocery bill with just a few hundred hours of work.
- If your family has been suffering a string of lawn-related injuries, consider installing natural grass.